THE FULL TRUTH ABOUT PEOPLE-PLEASINGFeb 20, 2023
We've all been there and done it. ⠀
Been nicer than we felt like. Tried to accommodate what feels like a piss-take. Looked agreeable because we wanted to avoid conflict. All because we don't want them to be thought of as rude or high maintenance.⠀
So we people, please. It's a coping mechanism. It feels safer than being judged. At least if we are the nicest people in the world and things don't work out, it was THEM, not us. ⠀
We are still good people with our self-esteem intact. Kind of.⠀
Because people-pleasing it turns out, comes at a price:⠀
Your sense of Self. Your needs are continuously not being met.⠀
The impact of that ranges anywhere from low mood to mental illness, loss of health, energy, success and drive. The ripples of impact are wide.⠀
People-pleasing as a success strategy is NOT sustainable because it's setting you up to lose. ⠀
You are sacrificing your integrity & sense of self by ignoring and playing down or denying what you need.⠀
So how do you grow a spine? Show them you're a leader, not a sheep? It's simple. ⠀
1. See that it's more important to serve (the project, your relationship, the greater good in the world) than please. Let this greater perspective be your guide and context.⠀
2. Shift your thinking from "I need to be liked" to "let's connect by being authentic."⠀
3. Upgrade your concept from "I don't want to be rude" to "I will say what I need because that is not rude it is mature."⠀
You can absolutely stand up, say what you want in a way that is warm, empathic and clear. ⠀
People-pleasing is just a cheap fake attempt of connection.⠀
Real connection works by actually saying what is true to you in a way that feels honest. ⠀
But how? Use "I-statements" and create a context. ⠀
"I am excited to be talking about this project with you. In order to deliver the best work for you in the time you specified, I first need a confirmation of the job in general, the signed contract and then we can discuss details of creative delivery. I really look forward to getting this started!"
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