You don't need CONFIDENCE. You want a greater vision

“I’m used to bigger boobs.” My lover said. ⠀
I could feel my heart sink. I might have heard my ego crack. Does he have to say that?!⠀
“But yours surprise me because they are so responsive. I didn’t know small breasts could be so responsive.”⠀
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The empowered woman replies:⠀
“Well, I’m used to harder d*cks. But you surprise me because it still kind of works.”⠀
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The one without courage concludes: “My boobs are too small. I am not as hot as I thought. I’m lucky to be with a guy of that pulling power.”⠀
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We are taught to believe that confidence is this quick-witted, keep your pride intact way of positioning your value in the world and defending it any way you can.⠀
But that’s a very limited approach requiring strength, determination and outdated thinking.⠀

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Absolute confidence goes deeper. It relies on self-approval. My boobs are wonderful the way they are.⠀
If only that was the key in this situation.⠀
I love my breasts, and I believe they are lovely, but I couldn’t help but feel lesser than this comment. Because as much as I believe in myself or my fantastic travel-size bosom, I am not immune to comparison and slipping into the paradigm of better & worse.⠀
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What is called for here is a greater vision of connection.⠀
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Throughout the example, we are talking only about my boobs and my comparison with others. But this is not about me! It’s about his experience and misunderstanding of how the female beauty spots work.⠀
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I saw judgement because of the need to be validated. Why? Because having sex with someone is a vulnerable act. It’s tender. We let go. And we all have a desire to be loved, seen and accepted.⠀
And there may just be a bit of trauma underneath. A history of being under-appreciated, as we often do.⠀
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We think we are looking for confidence. What we really are looking for is connection. ⠀
So when you feel hurt or insulted, ask yourself: what do I need to heal?⠀
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In my case, it was about understanding that not all is personal.⠀
I allowed myself to forgive myself for taking the past hurt personally. It was never about me.⠀
And I told him off too... Let’s face it, that was a bit insensitive. Lol