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 What is the best way to organize, what does it take and how can we make it effortless and
fun?
Keywords such as “prioritizing” and “time management” are used in a very fashionable
manner. The phrase is used and interpreted in many different ways.
But how can we actually be organized when the phone won’t stop ringing, how can we be
productive when we keep being interrupted, and most of all regain the long lost sense of
job satisfaction?
Plans
Planning is great as long as life doesn’t get in the way. Especially if experiences of
“plans not working out” have been stored in the subconscious, chances are you are less
likely stick to them in the future or even bother to make them.
Plans could also be seen as project scaffolding:
They are not the building and they are not the cement. They act as structural support that
holds things together and keeps the people walking under the building site safe…
Therefore plans need to be clear, simple and adjustable in order to be of real use.
They may include breaking down goals into tasks and projects…
Tasks and Projects:
There is a difference between tasks and projects. A project consists of many steps and
tasks toward its accomplishment. I define tasks as the actual “thing to do now “.
To create an overview and step by step outline, projects can be divided into their tasks
which can get a time assigned to them. Though it may cost a little time to do so, the
benefits are
-structured approach
-overview
-accountability (you will know what you are doing and what has been done etc)
Rather than luring tasks dangling like the sword of Damocles, you will know where you
are in relation to where you want/need to be and therefore be able to take responsibility in
a sensible way.
Time Blocks
Tasks and chores can be grouped into blocks with a certain timeframe assigned to them.
This allows you to create an “end in sight” on things that practically have no end.
Administration for example has no real end, there will always be papers needing to be
processed, to be filed, bills to be paid, lists to be ticked. In order to keep your head above
water, dedicate certain times to these i.e. e-mail quarters, post time, finance time, contract
time etc.
Making Time
There are many ideas about time management, from taking action immediately to
delaying every request for 24hours to allow room for reflection.
As a matter of fact, we need to make time to do what we need to do.
I strongly recommend finding your motivation strategy. We all have certain things that
motivate us and others that de-motivate us, there are patterns that bring about anger,
boredom, frustration as much as certain chains of events and thoughts will make us feel
excited, valued, alert, creative, productive etc.
Following your joy- i.e. what makes you feel good is a very safe method for enhanced
productivity and efficiency.
How many miserable productive people have you met?
This can be applied in business as well as privately. Some things we like more or less, it’s
not always a question of kite surfing versus sitting at a desk but more detailed choices
such as clearing my desk vs. expenses. Cup of tea or reading an inspirational quote.
The closed door policy
Open offices and open door policies are great communication enhancers but
uninterrupted concentration time becomes scarce. Creating islands of isolation can be
extremely effective in relation to productivity. Forwarding calls to your PA ( if you have
one) or answer phone for 1hour or even 30minutes won’t kill anybody. But it will save
your sanity. More and more people will state they get more work done at home or on the
train because the phone is not always ringing. The person in charge of making the
decision to answer immediately or 30mins later is you. Within the open plan office
telephone loop, you can have certain times where you don’t have to be on ( do make sure
your colleagues know and agree).
Self Management
Good Self-Management is about understanding your personal preferences, using them to
your advantage. This is the main factor for increasing productivity.
If everything else outside of yourself comes first (the boss, the colleagues, the clients),
which usually derives out of an idea that professionalism requires this, consequences are
often feeling tired, drained and fed up by the end of the day.
It is indeed possible to attend to your needs as well as giving excellent service and hence
being very professional. This would indeed promote a humane professionalism as people
who care about themselves are more likely to genuinely care about their business.
I have however found the feeling of guilt creeping up when taking care of myself at
work. There may be a belief saying: “work is not for pleasure” or “you are being paid so
you shouldn’t think of yourself.” “Others don’t do that”, “professional means focussing
on the work, not on you”.
It’s important to notice these thoughts, identify them and analyze them to their
usefulness.
How would your productivity be affected if your work was a pleasure? What exactly do I
get paid for- does that really include others stepping all over you? Will you benefit from
adapting to what others do?
Good self management means attending to your needs as well as getting your work done
in the best way possible. To me the best way is thorough though quick. Thinking about
what else I could do to make another person’s day brighter and acting on it. The more I
brighten up my own day, the more likely I am to enjoy doing this for others. This creates
a positive cycle- make sure to reward yourself when you did well. It’s nice if your boss
does but the more you can accept praise, the more motivating its impact will be.
Communication
The basic form of communication is transmitting information from one person to the
other.
As simple as it sounds when written down, as complex it seems to be when implemented
practically. According to the teachings in NLP information runs through 6 different filters
in each individual before actually arriving at its destination. This explains why
information often becomes distorted.
One way to make sure other people have the same understanding as you is to ask how
they see interpret the bespoke information. It is never a crime to ask. And closed door
conversations with people will strengthen the working relationship granted the
conversation is based on clearing the air in a professional way! Most conflicts are only
misunderstandings, so rather than dwelling, asking saves time and is therefore in
everyone’s interest. Expect others to be doing their best and act in their best intention
rather than pointing out their faults as it makes it easier to communicate.
The Little things- little tips
Often work itself is not the main challenge, it is much rather the juggling the flood of
requests. A useful tool is to request the task givers to write the nature of the task in the
subject line of an email. This allows a quick find especially when the inbox or reminder
list fills up.
Communicating when you are overload is substantial for others to know what to expect.
Saying: this may take a little while; I have a big task list right now, lowers expectation
and pressure. It also creates trust as it means you still stick to your promise and if you
manage to be quicker than expected, you can celebrate another success.
If you are a slower than expected, you are human. If you are more off your plans than on,
you can use this as valuable feedback to plan differently. You will find that most people
go off their plan in a constant figure wrong most of the time. I.e. people, who come in
late, tend to be consistently late by a certain time (always 15 minutes, always 5 minutes).
Adjust your plans to the observed reality.
Consistency
Consistency is the key to trust and to inspire confidence. As simple as the concept
sounds, it’s one of the greatest challenges for especially the more creative thinkers
amongst us.
It’s natural to change style over time, and 1 document can change in format because new
ideas come in, new techniques and skills have been acquired etc. Improvement is great
but only when it’s throughout.
To assist consistency, formatted task sheets and feedback routines have been proving
successful.
Feedback on completed tasks by reply to the original email helps everyone keep track of
what has been done.
Feedback on tasks in progress is only necessary when appreciated. Busy people rarely
need to spend time on reading emails about someone about to do something.
They just want to send the task and get the result or at least an idea of when to expect the
result.
Regular update in newsletter format is a great way to keep the team up to date, it helps
everyone’s memories and communicates you are consistent and organised, you have the
results and are on top of things.
Review
The best way to improve systems is to review them after a while, i.e. after 6months.
Taking a review day to take a step back and look at what is going on, will pay out in the
long term.
Warning: Over-administration
Some of the most time-consuming and nerve wracking procedures have only little
benefits.
Administration means organizing and filing documents, however indulging in filing
minor details will only cost time and nerves. Common sense and picking the brains of
assistants, administrators/PAs is more than recommended. Encourage office heroines to
think in terms of relevance, rather than rigidity to create a win-win situation.
Questions to ask are: how will this be of benefit to the company/my work
practice/accountability?
Is there an easier way to do it- that would get the same benefits?
What does it require to set up a system that costs less time?
Responsibility
The great joy of being employed is that the overall responsibility always lays at least one
step above oneself. However, this can easily lead to establish a blame culture which has
not proven to be productive or beneficial to anybody.
Rather than getting stuck at the level pointing our fingers at others, we can shift our
perception of “responsibility” from the image of “your head rolls when it goes wrong” to
“take it into your hands and treat it like it’s your valued friend”.
This may not appear the most corporate of concepts, but it will have a warming effect on
the way things are dealt with.
If a line manager requires a report about a project that is yours- questions such as how is
this coming along? What can we do to speed this up etc. would probably motivate more
than addressing from the pressurising angle of : why has this not been done yet? We
needed it by 12!
Also note open questions lead by words as “how” and “what” lead to answers that move
forward. Closed questions/statements make it difficult to find new ways of moving on.
They are great to bring things to conclusion, close a sale, discussion etc. “Why”-
questions ask for reasons but not necessarily results.
Control
A major component of feeling satisfied with yourself and your job is your level of
control. How much are you in control of your work/day?
Control does not necessarily mean executive decision on a daily basis; you may not be in
a position to decide the direction of company or your day. I am speaking of control as a
perceived state of mind in which you feel you are on top of things, you feel confident and
calm.
We may not be able to control our circumstances at all time, but we can take charge of
our responses to the circumstances.
The key is to know that YOU are the subject of your day not your workload. The loss of
satisfaction and negative consequences of stress are often rooted in perceiving your
workload greater than yourself.
Taking control means realizing that you are in charge and the work is what you do. Fact
is: there will always be work as work creates more work.
NLP techniques can be very effective to rebalance the way you relate to your work. I
would recommend rebalancing the internal images themselves as they have a major
impact on our behavioural responses.
Task lists, Notebooks, pieces of paper
Or as long as you know where to look.
Devising a system that works for you is highly recommended. Whether you use a black
book with pages to rip out or the task list in outlook, what works, works.
How do you like to make sure you know where the notes are you needed?
I recommend having a central place of task storage and a daily piece of paper with
selected daily tasks on.
Reminders in outlook are the greatest blessing in the world as they allow organisation
with a timeline, i.e. tasks due on Thursday next week don’t have to be in your face today.
Organizing by colour:
Working for 3 people who need to get quick status information, colour coding is
invaluable. Each person has one colour and tasks/emails/ deals are marked in their colour.
This allows using one list with all information and thinking in one format.
Logging
Though at times tedious, logging is the best way to keep an overview. In an assistant
position it is useful to log outgoing packages, special achievements and progress of tasks.
It ensures going home and leaving the job at work whilst building a good reputation.
Summary of and basic questions to achieve excellence and ease through
organisation:
• What is the benefit of this task?
• How can I accomplish this with ease and excellence?
• If I wanted this task to be accomplished more than well, what would it need to be
like?
• Is there a quicker way?
• Is there an easier way?
• Is this a reoccurring task and if so what system can I set up to make it easier for
me?
• What is the most efficient way to keep an overview over this?
• How will I know in 6weeks what I have done and where the information was
stored?
If you know someone who could be helped by this article, feel free to share it via Twitter or click the like tab for it to pop up on Facebook.
Do you like the feeling of excitement? Have you had enough of the “day in day out” feeling the monotony waiting for something to happen that gives you the kick? How do you get from the day in day out to leading a life of excitement? Do you need to quit your job and go on adventure trips through the amazons or is there another way to get your life going ( I like the amazon idea, I might just do that….)
Excitement is a reaction to a stimuli. I get the biggest kicks when opportunities present themselves to me. Excitement is a sense of appreciation- recognizing how special and precious something is and how it opens up a world of sensations we like.
There were times I couldn’t sleep the night before travelling. I was exited because I didn’t know what was to come next, it was all possibilities. The older I got, the more I mixed possiblities with anxieties and still coudln’t sleep. Just in case I could miss my flight and get into trouble etc. and then I’d let all of that go, I had traveled often enough and I became a little nonchalant about it all.
So when it comes to excitement first let’s distinguish the apprehension of positive possibilities from anticipation of bad things happening. Both have the same source: our imagination.
If you’re life lacks excitement it can be for 2 reasons: 1) you haven’t done anything out of the ordinary for a while and 2) you don’t recognize the special moments as extraordinary.
It’s easy to ignore a special moment. We are overwhelmed with information on a daily basis and it’s easy to get numb. So how do you get exited when you want to?
Well it’s all about attituuuuude.
Or even more simpler: it’s about how you use your imagination.
When we are bored, the underlying thought of “nothing is happening and nothing ever will” triggers apathy. Excitement comes when we start shifting our attitude to realizing anything could happen at any time. And even better, start imagining some wild and wonderful things happen. That’s what children do. Lots of ideas and fantasies are going through their mind when they hold a little air plane in their hand or a doll or nothing at all…
And how about some DIY excitement? All you need is to know what gets you going. Make a list of things that have gotten you exited in the past and what you imagine you’d love to experience. From meeting a person who had that special something to taking a course to making a major commitment.
To get excited we need to take leaps. Do something outstanding. When you see your list, you get a clue where to look for excitement. The most exiting thing as adults is, we get to create our amazing life. We choose to go for things that we haven’t done before or would love to do and we choose to make up stories about them. So let’s make some good stories up and let’s take do something that we find stimulating! Wohooo! We didn’t come to this world to be bored.” And God created Boredom.”
I think NOT.
Keep the excitement running with the tabs below….
 How often have you tried to let go of the drama in your life? You know the situation, it’s all happening, it’s all falling apart, the conflicts are totally self created, you have cried through pillows and laughed in the face of adversity.
Some of us do like to create drama in the sense that they blow what is going on in their life up to proportions only elephants and giraffes would perceive as eye level and then they wonder why everything is too big and too much in their life. And why is it all happening to me? Why me?
When we get really involved in the hum drums, it can be easy to loose perspective and then every decision seems to be a major turning point.
Let’s put it that way: When a decision becomes a life or death scenario even though it’s just the food on the menu, you know you’ve gone too far.
But did you know that the word “drama” stems from the Greek δράω, which means: to do- or human action? Well, human action and doing is exactly what it takes if we want to get anything done! So please : Don’t stop the drama!!
Drama is the oldest literary form and a representation of human action impersonated by actors on stage. It was divided by Aristotle into tragedy and comedy and from there evolved in many different ways with one thing in common: it involves action and conflicting situations and a story.
Let’s face it: when we move towards our dreams, it’s not always smooth sailing.
We come up against obstacles and situations that at least seem to go completely against what we want. And this is where the drama in the popular sense of the word begins and the drama in the Greek sense of the word often ends.
We start talking and agonizing and “dramatising” until we are totally convinced that we are indeed in a very difficult situation that knows no way out.
Then we can make our self feel trapped and beat anyone who comes out with a similar story because let’s face it, our situation is going to be the most complex of all. You don’t want to have a simple conflict. Do make it complex or it will run the danger of getting solved before you had a chance to indulge fully in the
misery.
Strangely enough when we get into all the script writing of our drama- we usually stop the action part. We do the acting part of acting distressed or whatever we are acting out. Which admittedly can be fun for a while -Especially when it wins you the attention of your peers.
Now here is my tip. Relax, listen to good music, sing it loudly. Breathe and then keep moving forward. Also writing things down can be a useful tool even the Greeks were proud of using. Especially when creating a real good drama. You gotta write it down.
Remember a good drama is a good story. If you have the choice between comedy, tragedy and satyr- well whatever tickles your fancy! And remember, drama has evolved way beyond the simple genres anyway. You could be epic or melo or psycho or you know what….
Just do your thing!!
Best wishes and happy script writing,
Tweet me, Like me, Shake it up, pass on the love…
Do you know the feeling of putting yourself under so much pressure it hurts? Why on earth would we do that?
I am very dedicated to living the dream and I have had my fair bit of challenges. As they say- obstacles only arise when you are moving forward. When you are static, there is no obstacle.
I must have been moving a heck of a lot! The thing about drive is it can also drive you crazy. Now I know that I am the driver and it is my responsibility to take control of my life, including my driving style and skills. Try and tell me that when I am in my race and you are likely to land under my wheels… It’s when the fuel runs out and the next station is too far away that reflection mode starts to resurface.
Here is a little idea of how things went when I was in a corporate career:
I managed my time: The day job took most of the day- hence the name. So there is the morning and the evening. And lunch break. And weekends. Within that time, I was looking for managers, record deals, set up my gigs, built my mailing list, took care of my body, my mind, my soul, my friendships, family oh and I had a relationship as well.
I had a room to clean, bills to pay, people to coach, songs to write. There was music to promote and social sites to chat on so that more people become interested in what I do. Then of course there needs to be cooking and shopping- and I’m not even talking clothes. And practise the skills I learn. NLP without using it- how useful is it?
Well as I write this it’s easy to see that I would exhaust myself eventually. Why run around and do all this? So that I can live my dream!
So what I need to do is take action. And I do. And I do more. And more- what else can I do? Ok how about this and that, every day of action is a day closer to the dream surely, come on, what’s next? There is so much to do! Oh do I have to go to work today? I am done with working, it seems like such a waste of my time, I have so many important things to do like changing the world and stuff. My job is in the way. Without the job, where does the money come from? Remember Evelyne there was a time you tried to do that- you ended up very very tired and stressed out.
Was I meant to be a human being or a human doing?
We are spiritual beings having a human experience- yet that experience can get so intense; I like to believe it’s more real than anything else. So I get ill. Sinus infection this time. Pressure build up in my cavities and it hurts. Everyone gets their lessons in different ways. I wish for mine to be more subtle- and actually they are, I just tend to ignore it when they are. I wish for myself to become more attentive to what’s going on and what it’s about for me.
The point is balance. The point is connection. The point is ease. One step at a time. It’s easier to grow wings that way. As an inspirational musical boy band proclaimed (New Kids on the Block –good work): step by step oh baby.
They made it quite far. No idea what became of them…
Here is the tip of the day: Do not run after your dream. Your dreams tend to run at least as fast as you. The new question is hence: how can we be at ease today knowing what we know now and remembering what we need to? And what action would you love to take today?
Have a great day, whatever you do – just for the pure sake of it.
Let’s be happy for no reason.
Know someone under pressure? Pass this article on with Twitter or Facebook.
I would like to share my thoughts with you on the obsession about self fulfilment. Living your dream is top priority. Self-fulfilment is everything. Isn’t it? Who do you think is the happiest: People who achieve their dreams, people who don’t have a dream or people who have a dream and don’t achieve it? The achievers? Well, it’s amazing how many people will not be satisfied. What about the professor, who worked 15 years only to get the position of a professor’s chair who falls into a deep depression upon achievement, his marriage breaks, he is deeply unhappy. He had nothing planned for afterwards and as he had climbed up the tower standing on the top, he felt the nothingness surrounding him and his world tumbled like the houses we build from playing cards.
What about the business whiz who starting his company at 19 finds himself lost and without direction, having done so well from the start, now 24 and restless? Wanting and getting is not the key to being fulfilled. What about not wanting and getting it? We often appreciate most what we worked hard for, yet we can also appreciate what comes naturally. At the end of the day, and even in the beginning, appreciation is about being happy about what you have regardless of the way you got it. When I ask people what they are most proud about in their life, I often hear, i.e. the birth of their child (Men and women alike). Very few say the best thing ever was the pay raise or the job they wanted. What did they work harder for?
I find it fascinating how-when it comes down to it, most humans put more meaning into emotional basic events than mental creations (dreams, goals, plans etc). Being happy has nothing to do with achieving your dreams. Happiness is not something outside yourself. You do not need to spend big money on getting it though it seems that many people bottle and sell it (and why wouldn’t they..). Some things will bring you pleasure and that can trigger happiness but the decision weather you will let yourself be happy or not is always with you. You will find that what may cause you to be happy today might not have the same effect tomorrow.
Now this may sound as if you just needed to say: I want to be happy and you are happy. But who is “I”? We all have many different parts that make up our personality and character, all that we call “me”. Our conscious mind, our unconscious, our past, our present, our ideas, education etc. affect us in the way we think, feel and perceive ourselves.
I find that knowing yourself and your changeable nature is very valuable. We all change and this is what life is about. Change is the only constant in life. What I like today, I may get bored of tomorrow, what I want tomorrow, may be meaningless today. What this shows us is simply where we are. Our “liking”, “wanting”, “needing”allow us to experience ourselves in relation to the world. What does this mean in relation to living our dream? Going for our full potential? If what we dream and want is of a changing nature, hanging on to it too much can’t be too healthy. Some people make it more important than themselves and as fascinating as it may be that they do so, it makes no sense to me at all. How can something you want to do, be, have, be bigger than you?
For me, my life is about me. I don’t mean this exclusively egoistically. But I will include it. To live my potential, all I really need to do is to feel myself and desires will come that inspire me to take action (or not). I have a choice of listening to this and follow. There is nobody judging you on this. It’s totally between you and you.
Sometimes I wonder about the term self “fulfilment” itself: Is there a hole inside of us we need to fill? I know it feels like it sometimes. And I know that from that hole, that feeling of nothingness comes inspiration, ideas, creation, moving forward. The hole is also space; breeding ground… The emptiness has the greatest potential for everything. To feel myself fully to me is self-fulfilment.
So why get obsessed about realizing one idea? Why beat yourself up if you can’t seem to get what you wanted or may I say…thought you wanted. How about looking at it from a perspective of feeling yourself and your ideas, your life. Detach. Relax. Chances are you get it when you don’t chase it too much. (I don’t really know yet if it means you will actually get it, but I’ll tell you when I do.) Our dreams and goals are not dogmas we have to follow. They are motivating guidelines that give us direction and a promising view of the future. This in return helps us create more pleasure and energy for others and ourselves. If a goal doesn’t inspire you, it has lost its purpose. So what inspires you today? What is your goal, your dream? I like to think about having achieved all the musical and artistic success I dream about: the concerts, the book signings, those happy faces I get to look at whose lives have changed for the better, the songs in the charts, the fancy dresses, the wonderful people around me….and look back on my life. I think: I loved it all turned out so well, there was no way to see why it suddenly worked, but it did.
The only thing I wish I had done is spending more time growing friendships and nourishing my family. That always gave me pleasure. I wish I had had more time for the little things in life.
I’m only 1.55m (5′2 or so) after all.
I would like to explore the question of “how do you know what you want” and the influence our environment has on us. Have you noticed that what you want changes according to where you are and how you are?
Do you know the feeling of being asked what you want and a) not knowing what exactly to say b) hear yourself answer the question as if someone else was talking? Have you noticed that you want different things depending on who is asking and what is going on in your life/mind/heart?
If you were trapped at customs in Indonesia, the answer to “what do you want?” would be a very different one than on Valentine’s Day with a special someone.
When asked by a coach, the answer I am looking for is totally different from what I need to say when asked by my boss. I wouldn’t tell my boss that the most important thing for me is to accept myself for who I am and feel that what I do is making me feel content and peaceful. I find it rather fascinating that one question can have so many different answers and that those answers relate back to the same person. Sometimes if you put all the answers of “what do I want” next to each other, the way that they can even exclude each other is amazing!
For example the answer to what do I want in my diary is: I want to live a happy life with my family, I want a house, I want babies, I want to be cosy and cuddly harmony. When talking to my boyfriend it’s more: I want romance, I want adventure, excitement, I want to be seduced, I want to be wild. I like a bit of friction and cultured argument. I want to develop and grow together.
When talking to my girlfriends it’s: I want to go out, I want to be free, I want to buy shoes and bags and not worry about money, I want sex in the city style light conversation and I want deep connections, too.
When talking to my boss it’s: I want a raise, a promotion, I want more attention, training, I need to move forward, I want support and recognition.
When I talk to my coach it’s: I want to transition into full time life and confidence coaching and make money from my music. I want to write my book within the next few months and I want it published, I want an ever-growing mailing list and I want to conduct workshops using my coaching skills and music to inspire and motivate people.
When I talk to my therapist it’s: I don’t’ know what I want.
Many modern approaches to success and happiness focus on “get what you want” or “you can have what you want” yet this can cause distress beyond measure. Not knowing what you want is usually rooted in confusion rather than unknowing. So let’s untie the knots:
Malcom Gladwell writes about the power of context in “the tipping point”. The power of context means that behaviour is a function of social context. In the 1970s a group of social scientists at Stanford University conducted an experiment creating a mock prison and observing volunteer prisoners to see if prison was a place for bad people or if indeed it would make people bad. The experiment was to last for 2 weeks but was called off after 6 days as the situation went out of hand: the innocent socially aware volunteers had engaged in behaviours unknown to themselves and it seemed that cruelty was breeding its own ideas, the prisoners started shifting identities from who they knew they were to i.e their number. (the tipping point, page 153ff.)
So if our behaviour is so strongly determined by our social context, how much of what we want has really to do with us as such? Just as we would choose differently if we were lost in the jungle from if we had some time on our hands after work for once, some wants relate to our situation and others relate more to our disposition. Our situational wants are desires that arise through “our world” or parts of our world. From wanting to detox after Christmas to getting rid of a flat mate to changing jobs.
On the other side are the desires of the heart, the wants, goals, and wishes that we create from the context of our personality, personal history and of course the fine mixture of beliefs, ideas and values. For example creating a career from your passion, exploring how far your mind can stretch, moving forward in your relationship. Even our personality is shaped by a context of our environment. A person who grew up with loving caring parents has a very different understanding of relationship and emotional security than one who has lived through fighting and frequent break ups.
If you really want to know what you really want, why not play with the different contexts and note down
What you want in the context of your work/career (these may be 2 different things!)
What you want in the context of relationship
What you want in the context of your living environment
What you want regarding yourself and your life- what gives you meaning or happiness,
fulfilment, joy, content.
What you want in relation to living your dream.
Don’t be afraid of contradictions, they are paradoxes.
And a paradox may be a contradiction on one level but makes sense on the next higher level. So off we go, moving on up, moving on out…moving on up, nothing can stop me!
Like me and a box of chocolates will appear on your Facebook!
I hope you are well…today I would like to write about Mastering the Fear of change.
It’s something I have thought about a lot lately….
Say you wanted to change your job, you know you need to move forward, enough of the old boss, enough of the same people everyday, you have the potential to go far and you will…looking through all the opportunities on the market, you can feel your horizons rise until…the day you walk into the interview. Suddenly you realize your whole life would change and what glistened as a golden opportunity on the horizon now takes shape… So the job pays more and it comes with a car and what exactly is expected of you? How many miles do you have to drive each week? Will they turn your life to hell?
We all know the feeling – when change is about to happen, it gets scary. From the first visit abroad to the job change, from leaving school to getting married, change is a vital part of life, we all know it, so why would we be afraid? And then comes the heroism of the coaching world, catapulting you into a state of mind in which decisiveness is your true identity and nothing will stop you. YES, YOU CAN DO IT!
Until…you are back out there, on your own asking yourself: but what if it doesn’t work out as I want it to? How will it be? Is this all theory?
There are many ways in which we can conquer our fear. However, to believe that the fear is our enemy and must be overcome, to me, is a bit of a stale old hat. I am done with making fear the enemy, just as I am done with using self blame to explain why things haven’t happened the way I wanted them to before. So are we back to feel the fear and do it anyway? I would like to say that the way to deal with your fear should depend on the kind of fear, the thoughts behind it and most of all you.
We are all different in many ways and what I call fear may be a composition of a certain set of emotions and thoughts that is totally different from what your fear might entail.
Usually our fear is made up from a chain of thoughts projecting an unknown future result that may be imagined as unpleasant. Have you ever met anyone who has become a great master of painting the picture with all the possible problem routes in their mind? I certainly have been trained extensively in problem painting. In the same time I could paint a picture of roses and beauty, but that would be naïve. Being grown up and mature, we know better than that.
Or should we not paint a picture at all as to not be disappointed and not loose ourselves in non-existing ideals? That is a more Buddhist approach-acknowledging all that is as an illusion…
My observation is that without a picture, I can be pleasantly surprised of the outcome or still not like it but there is a certain distance, as I am not constantly measuring it against what it was in my mind. That has benefits and weaknesses. I like to feel enrolled in my experience and love the buzz of things being even better than expected. And also in my mind, pictures come in quicker than the decision not to have them.
But is it really the pictures in our mind that determine how we feel? Is the expectation the real problem?
Or is there something else?
Have you ever expected something, and when it turned out differently and you were angry?
Ok, have you ever expected something, things turned out differently and you didn’t mind?
The more useful question to ask is: what do we make of the experience?
If we measure against how things ’should’ be, we are more likely to get angry. When we can allow things to be the way they are, we are more likely to keep flowing.
So what about fear… if fear is a chain of pictures projecting unpleasant yet unknown results, we have a few options: we can leave the pictures in our mind and be curious about the real outcomes and flow with it. Or we might want to change the pictures in our mind and make them pretty or pleasant at least and then see what the experience brings and go with that. In good old Beatle fashion- let it be. Isn’t it interesting, that it doesn’t really matter what we do- but how we let go of measuring what is against what we like to think should be?
To master your fear of change, you can either master the change. Or change the fear.
It’s up to you, the master.
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I love the fabulous. I love when things are extraordinarily wonderful. It’s interesting how people react when you say you love the fabulous. It’s obvious, what else is new, did you know it’s not all a picnic and good for you. The good thing about fabulous is that it means ‘great in my personal view’. It’s different for everyone. My mentor and director in NY came up with this word as we went shopping for my stage outfit for my upcoming off-Broadway cabaret show. The tickets were selling, the show was there, the pianist was brilliant etc. I needed a fabulous outfit. So he took me to China town. I was surprised; China town is not where I expect the fabulous. He took me to these little Chinese shops where glittery synthetics were hanging loosely off cheap plastic hangers. Isn’t this fabulous? He exclaimed, his face dressed in delight. It is very glittery I would reply, diplomatically. What about this? He would pick a belly dancers costume.
Fabulous to him was all that glittered and had feathers, no matter where and how.
An earlier version of Fabulous stems from “the father of the bride” with Steve Martin, my favourite movie at 16. Frank, the wedding coordinator suggests horribly expensive cake and speaks with a wonderful accent Steve Martin wouldn’t understand. Now dis is a cakk ve laww and dis…is fabbolos.
It’s alos 1600 Dollars.
For me, fabulous describes things that are just my style. That may be slightly outrageous, that fit me like a glove. It doesn’t have to be expensive but it has to be great. Otherwise, there is no need for it in my life.
Restaurant. Can’t decide, could have this, could have that. Sure. But which meal would make this evening truly fabulous? Different question, definite answer.
I love the fabulous and I use it as a guide to make decisions. There are people in this world who find it challenging to make up their mind. Buying that dress or getting this job or staying with this guy…
My love of the fabulous helps me make those decisions: When I am in a shop and I look at clothes, they may have the right price, they may be ok, they may be the fashion. By now I do have things to wear though I will deny it in the morning. I do have some things to wear. I need more and new things yes but let’s face it, most of us have the basics. So do I want this shirt or not, do I need it, well depends blabla don’t know what do you think. I think: is it fabulous?
My friends and students have tried and tested the fabulous method and it works. And it’s free!
What does it take to make you feel fabulous? Which music is absolutely fabulous? Are these shoes practical, stylish or simply fabulous?
Have fun and of course, be fabulous.
Twitter me fabulous with the Tweet link…
We all know how important it is to keep busy. Can you tell me exactly why it’s so important to be busy? I remember comments such as: As long as you’re keeping busy… and oh well, but at least it keeps me busy. As if something really bad would happen if we weren’t occupied at all times. Does the boogieman come and get you? Why is being busy such a good thing? A lot of people will confide to say it feels good to be busy. In our society, being busy translates to being important, being needed, wanted, appreciated, being successful. Action is a very positive word. If you are not busy, what are you? And more existentially: Who are you?
What would you rather be called: lazy or busy?
It’s not very fashionable to not do much. Imagine you were lazy. Where would your career be and how would you feel about yourself?
Being busy has a great advantage: you can hide behind your activity and justify almost anything with it – from relationship upsets and break ups to not doing your job well, to failing your business. From not being healthy to being too tired, for not being up for it to neglecting the really important things in life. It didn’t work out, I was too busy, you can’t do it all at once, you know there is only one of me, the day has only 24hours, sorry but I was too busy, you got to prioritise and there’s too much to do. Now if you were not busy…you may have the space in your head to think about your friend’s birthday and how to make him/her really happy… If you were not so busy, you may spend some wonderful time with your family or someone who will make you start one… You may think about the things you really wanted to do rather than the endless list of things you ought to do… If only I was not so busy!
If I was lazy, surely I couldn’t complain about being where I am. Success requires action. If I was lazy, I would get nowhere. Forget achievement, wouldn’t I just hang in the air? It’s hard to actually cope with emptiness. We all know the feeling of emptiness and most people I have seen are trying to avoid it at all cost. Even at the cost of their own health and happiness. Emptiness is a space that contains nothing and all. It feels like a hole but if you look through, it’s in that hole that you will find the nourishing ground for all that you need. When we glide into lazy mode…think lazy summer day, in the hammock looking at the sea…
It suddenly becomes very easy not to do anything at all. Do you know the feeling when looking at the sea and changing to look at the tree is more than enough action? Holiday is a lazy time that is accepted by everyone. I could speak about taking little holidays more often. But what I want to talk about is the importance of being lazy and the importance of seeing laziness for what it can be. Laziness often comes with a complementary portion of guilt. You are not meant to be lazy. Be busy, be efficient, do something! I want to challenge this belief. As my father says: laziness is a form of intelligence. Why would you do more than you need to? Why spend energy on useless activity? It’s interesting my Dad came up with this, he works too much. However, he has become a master of doing nothing on weekends. He practises laziness with great discipline.
When you feel like doing nothing, the best thing you can do is exactly that. At some point, we are satisfied and move on. So after a lazy period, you will want to do something. When we are tired, sleeping is the best thing to do, even though the coffee industry will try to tell us differently of course. We won’t sleep forever. We do actually wake up and want to get out of bed. Except when we were restricted for a while and need to catch up with sleep. I had the privilege to live in my own rhythm for 3 years, getting up when I wanted and sleeping when I wanted and guess what: I did actually want to get up and I did want to sleep. I like routine and I like doing things and I like rest. When we have a choice and we have a good relationship with ourselves, we usually choose what’s best for us.
So why not be lazy for a while? Why not openly do nothing? Take it easy at work, take it easy at home… get messy for a bit. Let’s not be disciplined self-motivated super-human goal achievers. For one week, let’s just live as it is… Enjoy a lemonade, enjoy the sun or the rain, enjoy the mess and indulging in your thoughts and visions. Imagine nothing was really important.
It’s magic!
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Do you know why the grass is always greener on the other side? Because there is more rain! Think about it: you can’t have one without the other. But we do like to delete the second part of the equation… This is a very typical human behaviour. Each second we receive 2 million bits of information and can process only 7±2. What we process depends on our filters. The way we are set to look at the world, our beliefs, personality, our meta programs we run etc. What we call reality is therefore only a very limited amount of what is really going on. 
The question is now: what is it that you want to pick up from “reality”?
We can’t take it all, just as we are not designed to look straight into the sun. So why is it that we think others have it better? What’s behind this is the thought that we should have something else than we do (i.e. more) and we should be somewhere else than we are.
Admittedly, being content is not something we are taught in school. Many of us are set up to believe that whatever we have and are right now is not good enough. Now, sometimes this rings true. Maybe where you are doesn’t suffice. I don’t want to encourage anybody to simply turn the belief around and just accept everything even if it’s not what they wanted. Let’s get real:
If you are good where you are, that’s great. If you are not, move!
The question we get to again and again is this: WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT? Go after that and lie down in the grass, enjoy the lush soft green, the daisies and the wind blowing on your face and let yourself go….
Please beware of excrements. You will find that in grass, too.
Regardless of its shade of green.
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